Without the Hat or the Hair
(written on May 2nd, 2006)
 
 
            Suddenly my hands became yellow, bending inwards and fusing into themselves. The fingers blended into one flat, wide clamp-like shape, with an equally sized, opposing shape created from my thumb. My clothes became by body, removable and interchangeable but always containing my set of vital organs. My feet were permanently attached to whatever pair of pants I chose to wear for the day, sometimes carrying the same color as the fabric and appearing to be part of my jeans or sweats.
            My face curved about, flinging hair to the ground until I was completely bald with only a small, circular peg left in the middle of my scalp. My features flattened perfectly against my now cylindrical head, becoming a few black strokes to signify a confused expression. After becoming slightly more adjusted I was able to switch heads, changing my facial gesture to one of moderate pleasure and content. I also now adorned with a thin, Wild West style mustache.
            Never having been a person to wear hats or sunglasses I decided against perusing through the stockade of baseball caps and space helmets that were littered across my abode. The pirate gear was too eccentric for me, and besides, I was completely afraid of parrots as well. Useful objects like airplane flares and empty coffee mugs fit snuggly into my new paws, clicking into place to avoid any accidents.
            As I moved I realized that I couldn't really walk normally, but instead had to remove one foot from its fastening peg on the asphalt or Astroturf I was upon, before reaching forward awkwardly to place it down on a new peg in front of myself. It would easily take me a few days to make it down the block.
            Fortunately, a giant, gummy substance covered hand reached down into my sphere of existence and carried me across the street towards a Malibu playhouse, decorated with irregular palm trees and a pastel paintjob. I entered the complex and was welcomed by an attractive, LEGO female, who moved from one kitchen tile peg to the next to reach the entrance door.